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Delightful Dialogue

Movie Titles
Mondo Trasho
Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos
Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble
Desperate Living
Polyester
Hairspray
Cry-Baby
Serial Mom
Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History?

Mondo Trasho

Divine relates a miracle.

And then to my horror and amazement, the Infant of Prague appeared before me. His angelic gaze hypnotized me.

Divine prays.

O Jesus, O Mary, O Joseph, O Moses. Thank you for sending a divine messenger in this time of physical and spiritual trouble.

Two women speculate about the girl.

Is that a boy or a girl? Is it a faggot? It's a dyke! No, it's a hippy. A Communist. Perhaps it's a drag queen. Or a whack drag queen. Probably a speed freak. Or a pot head. Or a muffin queen. Look at her—it's just a whore. Or maybe a gold digger. She's a hustler. Yeah, or some sort of intellectual. She's probably a rimmer. Humph—maybe a speed freak. Or a chicken queen. Or a shrimp freak. It could be a narc. Yeah, or maybe a beatnik. Or a junkie. Yes, or an acid head. Or a spade? Or just a gigolo. Or just a flower child. Yeah...shit kicker. Or a red. Yeah, or a glamour girl. Yeah—maybe just some polack. Or a war monger. Yeah, or an S & M queen. Oh, it's just a teenager. Yeah, maybe it's one of those Hell's Angels. You think it's a baby butch? It could be a fag hag. Or maybe it's a B-girl. Yeah, or a closet queen. A hair hopper. Yeah, maybe a movie star. Well, she's a drop out of some sort. Yeah, what is that word? A...a...dingleberry. Or a draft dodger. Yeah, or maybe just a runaway. Or some sort of, you know, peacenik. Yeah, or a hooker. Or she's one of those yippies. Mmm, maybe it's one of those jet setters. Well, I'll bet it's just a whore. Yeah, or maybe a dinge queen. Rimmer. Yeah, a size queen. And a hustler. Oh, she makes me sick. Whore.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Multiple Maniacs

Mr. David shills for Lady Divine's Cavalcade of Perversion.

These assorted sluts, fags, dykes and pimps know no bounds. They have committed acts against God and nature; acts that by their mere existence would make any decent person recoil in disgust.

You will witness the actual smut sessions of a pornographer and his slut of a girlfriend as she, in all her depravity, exposes her sacred reproductive organs to the ever-probing eye of the flash camera.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, you are going to see something that will make your eyes pop right out of your head. Because of so-called guardians of public decency we are not permitted to describe to you in any way the hard-core, live monstrosity that we have with us tonight.

 Mr. David expresses concern.

But the cops—all we need is one pork chop patrolman to start nosing around.

  Mr. David expresses more concern.

You don't know her. You don't know what she's capable of doing. She's getting worse. Every minute she's alive she's getting worse and worse.

 Lady Divine complains to Cookie.

Oh, Cookie, I've been wanting to talk to you about Mr. David. He's downstairs. He's getting on my nerves so lately and purposely trying to rile me and encourages insubordination among the other actors.

Edith calls Information.

Miss Cookie Divine's number please. No, no, I don't have her address. Yes, yes. 235...2354. Thank you very much.

Mink complains.

Cops are always hassling me. Just 'cause I'm pretty they think I'm a whore.

Mr. David strategizes.

We have to catch her off her guard.

Mr. David and Bonnie conspire.

Mr. David: Listen, we can meet later at Pete's Bar on Broadway. You know where that is. Around two o'clock.

Bonnie: Yes, I know where it is. I'm going to go there right now and wait. If I have to wait for a hundred hours, I won't budge until I see your face.

Bonnie muses about Divine.

She's not a very friendly person, but I gotta admit she sure is beautiful and glamorous.

Mink complains to Lady Divine.

Lady Divine, this asshole is getting awful disrespectful to me. And his scummy little girlfriend, too. I mean, I can only sit around here and be insulted by turds for so long. Everybody has a limit.

Lady Divine asks Ricky for confirmation.

Lady Divine: Ricky, where's my medicine? Which ones are these?

Ricky: Your diet medication, madam.

Lady Divine and David look for Cookie.

Lady Divine: Cookie! Cookie!

Mr. David: Why isn't she in school?

Lady Divine: Because I told her to quit and she did!

Bonnie expresses satisfaction.

This is a nice club. Everyone here is treating me so nice.

 Bonnie complains.

I hate Lady Divine. She's making you miserable and me miserable. Let's kill her.

Lady Divine becomes enraged.

A blonde? Thank you very much. That bastard! Oh, Mother's going out for a while. 

Lady Divine reminisces about Lobstora.

I was in agony. I had been raped before, but never in such an unnatural, brutal way.

Lady Divine finally goes off the deep end, raving into the mirror.

I love you. (pant, pant) You're still the most beautiful woman in the world. (pant, pant) And now...you're a maniac.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Pink Flamingos

Connie offers refreshments.

Connie: Well, hello, Cookie. I hope you're hungry.

Cookie: I could go for a sandwich. Mmm, baloney.

Connie and Raymond share a tender moment.

Connie: Oh, I love you, Raymond. I love you more than anything in the whole world. I love you even more than my own filthiness, more than my hair colour. Oh, God, I love you more than the sound of bones breaking, the sound of the death rattle, even more than my own shit do I love you, Raymond.

Raymond: And I, Connie, also love you more than anything I could imagine. More than my hair colour, more than the sounds of babies crying, dogs dying, even more than the thought of original sin itself. I am yours, Connie, eternally united to you through an invisible cord of finely woven filth that even God himself could never, ever break.

Channing whimpers.

Just playing, just playing. I know I'm not you, Connie, it was just playing. I wasn't really spying, it was just playing. Oh, what will they do to me? Oh, please let them make me stay. Oh, God have mercy on me.

Raymond calls the police.

Hello? I'd like to report a lewd and disorderly party. No, I'm a neighbour and it's making me sick, the sight of such perverts guzzling wine and taking dope right out in the open.

Raymond strategizes.

So we must catch her off guard, you see, before she realizes she is being attacked. We need information as to how they live, where they live, how many people, their names, their daily schedules for the week. In other words, we want to know how we can plague her the most, how we can make her life as miserable as possible, so we can prove to her that she is shit compared to us, shit compared to the filth we have in our minds, shit compared to what we know to be the filthiest life.

Crackers and Babs (Divine) speculate.

Crackers: What kind of shit turns them on, Mama? What do they do in here?

Babs: Oh, all sorts of disgusting positions I would imagine, Crackers. Connie probably takes Raymond's little peanut of a cock between her brittle, chapped lips and then scrapes her ugly decayed teeth up and down on it while asshole Raymond thinks he's getting the best head on the East Coast.

Babs and Crackers lick the Marbles' house.

This is where they eat, Crackers. This is where they shove dirty little pieces of bacteria down their weaselly little throats. This is where they spread germs, disease and infection, gobbling obscene fruits and vegetables all in the name of health. How disgusting! Get this table soaking wet!

Babs prepares to take revenge.

Shut up, Connie, shut up! You know who we are. Cut the hogwash, save it for the papers. You're Connie Marble and you're gonna pay for being Connie Marble! And you're gonna pay royally, bitch. Let this be a lesson to you just in case there is reincarnation: it's virtually impossible to be filthier than Divine! I didn't get my reputation for nothing, you know. But you found out too late, Connie, yes too late, because you and shithead here ain't gonna be around tomorrow. 'Cause you're gonna be dead, Connie, yes, dead!

Babs summarizes her philosophy.

Kill everyone now! Condone first-degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth is my politics, filth is my life!

Cotton rejoices.

What a day for an execution!

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Pink Flamingos
(restored 25th anniversary edition)

Connie and Raymond speculate about the environment.

Connie: Does Divine really live out here in the country like a hillbilly?

Raymond: God, with all these disgusting trees and shrubbery and wildlife. I'd be scared to sleep at night knowing possums and raccoon and deer and God knows what other creatures would be lurking outside, fucking and shitting right out in the open.

Raymond continues speculating about the environment.

Oh, God. Did you hear that? Horrid little bird. Just asking for it, I guess. Humans never realize the dirty little lives these animals lead out in the country. Makes me sick, that's all.

Crackers and Babs speculate on Connie's office.

Crackers: That dog has an office!

Babs: What the fuck for? So she can sit in here with that ugly red hair and asshole off all day? Touch everything, Crackers.

Babs pronounces on modern conveniences.

Ugh! Central heating! How repellent!

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Flamingos Forever
(unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)

Babs berates Vera Venninger.

Vera Venninger, you are living proof that on the eighth day, God created assholes. Assholism is something that must be eradicated from society. You are about to receive a one-way ticket to asshole hell!

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Female Trouble

A classmate snitches on Dawn.

Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class. And she's been passing notes.

Cookie threatens a classmate.

I got a knife in my pocketbook and I’m gonna cut you up after class.

Dawn, Concetta, and Chicklette complain.

Dawn: I'd like to set fire to this dump.

Concetta: Just 'cause we're pretty, everyone's jealous.

Chicklette: It's like a prison here. Even at Christmas, it's like a prison.

Dawn: Don't even mention Christmas, Chicklette. My parents are gonna be real sorry if I don't get them cha-cha heels. I asked and I better get!

Chicklette: I never get enough Christmas presents, everybody's so damn cheap.

Concetta: I should be gettin' a lot, and I'm gonna take it all back and get the money for it. You can do that, you know.

Chicklette: We'll probably get caught for hookin' this period, but who cares? Who cares if we fail? It'd be fun to be expelled.

Dawn: I hope I get arrested. I hate this school and all these ignorant teachers who don't know one thing. I'm the one who should be teachin'. I hate my parents too.

Dawn berates her parents.

Fuck you, fuck you both, you awful people! You’re not my parents! I hate you, I hate this house and I hate Christmas!

Earl picks up a hitch-hiking Dawn.

Get in, sugar dumplin'!

Dawn phones Earl.

Earl: Hello!

Dawn: Is Earl Peterson there? This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport! You made love to me Christmas morning. Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant and I want money.

Earl: You stole my wallet, you fat bitch.

Dawn: So what if I did? I want money!

Earl: You'll never get any money from me, cow. Just 'cause you got them big udders don't mean you're something special. Get the hook! Go fuck yourself for all I care! Yeah! Go fuck yourself!

Ida entertains.

Ida: Oh, Ernie. Have another pretzel, for Christ's sake. Wait until you meet my little Gator. You two are gonna fall right in love.

Ernie: My dear, I hope so. Are you sure he's gay?

Ida: Well, I just use common sense. I mean, if they're smart, they're queer. And if they're stupid, they're straight. Right, Ernie? Are you sure you won't have another pretzel?

Ernie: I'm sure, Miss Thing, I'm sure. Pretzels give you plaque.

Ida expresses concern for Gator.

I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life.

The Dashers make an entrance.

Donald: Good morning staff. And good morning to all the lovely ladies of the Lipstick Beauty Salon.

Butterfly: What a beautiful couple.

Donald: Thanks, Butter.

Gator: That's a gorgeous outfit, Mrs. Dasher.

Donna: Thanks.

Gator: It must be an original.

Donna: It is.

Wink: Bet it cost a fortune.

Donald: It did.

Dribbles: Striking, aren't they? So chic.

Donna: No kidding.

Dawn introduces herself.

I'm a thief and a shit kicker and, uh, I'd like to be famous.

Taffy declines Gator's invitation.

I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!

Taffy demands money.

Taffy: Give me ten dollars.

Gator: What would you do with ten dollars?

Taffy: Writin' a book, hippie? Why don't you go listen to some folk music and give me a break!

The Dashers stroll.

Donna: Oh, God, this neighbourhood's hideous. I'm scared rats are gonna come out and bite my new nylons.

Donald: True, it's not Beverly Hills, but crime breeds in these neighbourhoods, Donna. It's really an oh-so-perfect place for our crime model to live.

Donna: I'm glad I didn't wear one of my designer originals. The air is so sooty and damp, our clothes will be ready for the Goodwill after this.

Donald: Stop being so prissy, Donna. Excitement is not always clean. You must get used to this low life. For here lies beauty. Crime and beauty. Oh, here it is. How perfect!

Dawn offers the Dashers dinner.

Dawn: Would you like your spaghetti with or without cheese?

Donna: I'll have two chicken breasts, please.

Dawn: Well, uh, we're not having that, we're having spaghetti.

Donna: I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti. Do I look Italian?

Donald: We rarely eat any form of noodle, Dawn, but I'll have a tiny portion to be polite. With cheese, please.

Donna: I'll have an extremely large glass of ice water.

Ida takes revenge.

I got something for your face, motherfucker!

Dawn's friends attend the unveiling.

Wink: I'm getting a hard-on. Beauty always gives me a hard-on.

Donna: Aim it the other way, then, Wink. You know how I detest organs. Beauty has absolutely nothing to do with that word, that thing you have hanging there like an obscene pickle. Spare me your anatomy.

Nurse: There it is, one hell of a rotten face.

All: Ooh, aah, beautiful.

Donald: Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous!

Donna: Makes the Mona Lisa look like a number painting.

Chicklette: Acid does what Eterna 27 cannot.

Concetta: Your face for the world to see.

Dribbles: Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful!

Wink: Give her a mirror. Let her see the miracle.

Butterfly: Beauty, beauty, look at you. I wish to God I had it too.

Dawn: Pretty pretty?

All: Yeah!

Dawn receives a surprise home renovation.

A little stage!

Dawn performs a nightclub act.

You're looking at crime personified and don't you forget it! I framed Leslie Bacon! I called the heroin hotline on Abbie Hoffman! I bought the gun that Bremmer used to shoot Wallace! I had an affair with Juan Corona! I blew Richard Speck! And I'm so fucking beautiful I can't stand it myself!

A police officer directs the chase.

You go dat way and I'll go dis way.

A prison matron interrupts a tender moment.

Okay, lez-beens, I caught ya! Bumpin' pussies is a violation of jail rules. I'm gonna write this beef up and give it the warden, Earnestine. You'll get the adjustment center for this.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Desperate Living

Peggy answers the phone.

Hello? What number are you calling? You've dialed the wrong number? Sorry? What good is that? How can you ever repay the thirty seconds you've stolen from my life? I hate you, your husband, your children, and your relatives!

Peggy finds her children playing doctor.

Sodomites! Caught right in a sex orgy! Filthy! Dirty! Filthy!

Grizelda and Bosley square off.

Grizelda: Don't you know men aren't supposed to look in a lady's handbag?

Bosley: Lady? You're fired, Grizelda! No wonder you people are always in the unemployment line. Now, give me that bag!

Grizelda: I don't want no white man looking at my Tampax!

Peggy rejects Bosley.

You touched me! Oh, God, my flesh is rotting! The touch of scum!

Queen Carlotta opines.

I hardly think a nudist janitor is a proper escort for a royal princess.

Peggy whimpers.

My bitching isn't relieved if there's no one to hear it.

Muffy complains.

I'm so hungry I could eat cancer.

Peggy complains.

I don't want some renegade necrophile princess as my roommate!

Mole demands a sex change.

Cut the sermons and give me my wang! I want a wang and I want it now!

Shotsie professes.

How many times we gotta tell you? Men are genetic rejects. All that gristle they got hanging between their legs was God's first big mistake and us women been paying for it ever since.

Mole asks an important question.

Will you ever be able to love my operation?

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Polyester

Elmer converses with his children.

Elmer: Sit up straight. Why don't you let that hair grow? You look like a fruit with that short hair.

Dexter: Drop dead.

Elmer. You're just asking for it. How's my baby doing in school?

Lu-Lu: I learned all about my cervix in sex education class yesterday.

Elmer and Sandra share the responsibility.

Sandra: Elmer, I have something to show you. You know what these are? Yessiree. Oral contraceptives! They'll suppress my ovulation through hormones.

Elmer: I got something for you, Sandra. I got condoms!

Sandra: Ooh, Elmer!

Elmer: Red-hot prophylactics! Black, your favourite colour!

Lu-Lu describes her job.

Lu-Lu: Boys at school give me money.

Francine: For what?

Lu-Lu: For dancing at lunch period.

Francine: You dance lewdly for the boys at lunch period?

Lu-Lu: For a quarter I will.

Francine: Stop that dancing!

Lu-Lu confesses.

Lu-Lu. Well, mother, I guess I should tell you. I'm two months pregnant right now.

Francine: You're what?

Lu-Lu: I'm knocked up and that's that.

Francine: Who did this to you?

Lu-Lu: Bo-Bo, the man I love.

Francine: I'll never allow you to marry him.

Lu-Lu: Marry him? Are you kidding? I'm getting an abortion, and I can't wait!

Cuddles alerts Francine.

He's here, Francine. At first I thought he was walking the dog. Then I realized it was his date.

Sandra and Francine have a difference of opinion.

Sandra: Children would only get in the way of our erotic lifestyle.

Francine: You piece of trash.

Elmer drives down the street with a loudspeaker.

Francine Fishpaw lives at 538 Wyman Way. She weighs three hundred pounds and is an alcoholic. She eats en entire cake at one sitting. You should see her stretch marks. Because of her drunkenness, both of her children are delinquents. She's the hairiest woman I've ever laid eyes on.

Todd offers Francine hope.

Let me kiss away your DTs, honey.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
 Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Hairspray

Tracy and Penny scorn Amber.

Tracy: Stuck-up little spastic.
Penny: She's such a queer.

Velma motivates Amber.

Practice makes perfect. I oughta know. Don't forget, I was Miss Soft Crab of 1945, and that title wasn't handed to me on a silver platter. I worked for it!

Franklin complains.

Why, your hairspray bills alone are enough to eat up all the profits from the tilt-a-whirl.

Edna gets waspish.

Wilbur: Tracy, did you do your chores around the house today?

Edna: Not Miss Tracy. Cyd Charisse herself. She's too busy ratting her hair and doing the Ubangi Stomp.

Amber spreads rumours.

Amber: Anyway, she was right in the car, in plain view of just everybody at the hop. She was nude.

Girl 1: No!

Girl 2: That fat thing?

Amber: Tracy Turnblad is a whore.

The phys ed teacher gets things started.

All right, ladies, let's go, let's play dodge ball!

Motormouth Maybelle and Prudie square off.

Motormouth Maybelle: Ooh papa toonie, we got a loonie!

Prudie: Don't you use any of your voodoo spells on me, you native woman!

The beatnik chick expounds.

Loco weed. When I'm high, I am Odetta. Let's get naked and smoke.

Edna scorns Amber.

I watch that tramp and I'm embarrassed to be white.

Penny rebels.

I wish I was at a hootenanny in Harlem.

Paddy loses his temper.

Penny Pingleton, I'm calling the cops! You are no longer my daughter! You are punished even after you die!

The governor's aide summarizes.

Governor: Who the hell is Tracy Turnblad?

Aide: She's an upper-lower-class teenager who was arrested in yesterday's demonstration and is currently being held at Montrose. She's a hair-hopper.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Cry-Baby

Wanda's mother embarrasses Wanda.

Wanda's mother: Hi, kids. Remember, always look both ways before crossing.

Wanda: Mother!

Wanda's mother: We're having your favourite supper tonight, Wanda. Potatoes au gratin.

Drapes: Mm-mmm!

Allison yearns.

I'm so tired of being good.

Milton's father addresses the crowd.

Imagine our shame. Our only child, and he carries illegal weapons, drives fast cars, and wears clothes obviously designed by homosexuals.

Pepper brushes off Lenora.

My brother wouldn't touch your titties with a ten-foot pole. He likes his women bad, Lenora, not cheap.

Ramona exults.

Ramona: I'm just so proud of all my drape children. Oh, Wanda, you sure is pretty in them tight clothes, all painted up like trash.

Wanda: I wish you and Belvedere were my parents.

Ramona: Now, Milton. Boy, you're everything a man should be. You're young, stupid, and mean.

Milton: We're gonna play some cool music for you tonight, Ramona.

Ramona: And Hatchet-Face. Oh, honey, you're just like me. Now, you put the T in tough. So hard, you could have been eating nails for breakfast. But that's the way a woman's gotta be these days.

Hatchet-Face: I'd kick a square's ass for you in a minute, Miss Ramona.

Ramona; Oh, this is the best gang my grandson could ever have.

Pepper: Grandma, I'm so happy, all knocked up. I wish I was having triplets.

Allison meets the drape girls.

Hatchet-Face: Don't you got tits? Stick 'em out, for God's sake.

Cry-Baby: That's Hatchet-Face. She don't mean no harm.

Pepper: First thing a Cry-Baby girl learns, our bazooms are our weapons.

Cry-Baby: Pepper's pregnant, but she can fight like a man.

Wanda: I wouldn't be caught dead in a full skirt.

Pepper: Hey, girls, let's give Allison a bad-girl beauty makeover. You game?

Allison: Sure. Think I got what it takes?

Drape girls: Whoah-ho-ho!

Cry-Baby: You got it, Allison. You got it raw.

Ramona introduces Cry-Baby's band.

Now the baddest baby of them all. The man you came here for. The big boo-hoo. The terrible teardrop, oh! Ladies and gentlemen, my grandson, Cry-Baby!

Cry-Baby confesses.

Cry-Baby: It's not sexy. Electricity makes me nervous.

Allison: Why, Cry-Baby, why?

Cry-Baby: Here's why. Electricity killed my parents.

Allison: They died in the electric chair?

Cry-Baby: That's right, Allison. My father was the Alphabet Bomber. He may have been crazy, but he was my pop, the only one I ever had.

Allison: I heard about the Alphabet Bomber. Bombs going off in the airport, barber shop.

Cry-Baby: That's right. All in alphabetical order. Car wash, drugstore. I used to lay in my cradle and hear him yell in his sleep. "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, boom!"

Hatchet-face asserts.

Judge Anderson: And you, Miss Malnorowski. By the way, that's a shame about your face.

Hatchet-Face: There's nothing wrong with my face! I got character.

The hateful guard leads the inmates in prayer.

Now don't forget to say your prayers. God bless my probation officer. God bless the draft board. God bless the juvenile authorities.

(To Cry-Baby) We're gonna give you a haircut tomorrow, pretty boy. You ever hear of a whiffle? Well, that's what you're gonna get, you big old cry-baby, you.

God bless Dwight Eisenhower. God bless Roy Cohn. God bless Richard Nixon. Nighty night, boys.

Judge Anderson pronounces.

Cry-Baby Walker, society has given you a second chance. You're rehabilitated now. Here's three dollars and fifty cents, and a pair of clean underwear.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Serial Mom

Misty and Beverly discuss the Hillside Strangler.

Misty: Mom, he killed people.

Beverly: We all have our bad days.

Beverly chides.

Don't say "hate", dear. "Hate" is a very serious word.

Beverly asserts her propriety.

Beverly: I've never even said the P word out loud, let alone written it down.

Eugene: No woman could.

Beverly chides again.

Chip: I'm so happy I could shit.

Beverly: Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.

Detective Gracey asks the question.

Dr. Sutphin, is your wife mental?

The Sutphins react.

Radio announcer: This just in. Police Lieutenant Ronald Hadler has publicly named a suspect in the serial killer case, and it's a shocker. She, that's right, she has been identified as Beverly R. Sutphin.

Beverly: Oh, really.

Misty: God, now I'll never get a boyfriend.

Eugene: Beverly, I've read all about this. Is it the menopause?

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

Pecker

Jimmy looks it up.

It says it right here in the Board of Liquor License Rule Book. Section twelve-dash-two-oh-three, paragraph three. Pubic hair and liquor. It's just plain illegal.

Shelly worries.

My customers would do anything if I'm not there. They could be pissing in my dryers as we speak.

Cindy Sherman meets Little Chrissy.

Cindy Sherman: Want a Valium, honey?

Little Chrissy: No!

Tina dismisses.

Tina: That's me in the paper, you know. Are you homosexual?

Man: No, I'm not.

Tina: You wouldn't understand, then.

Shelly sees the light.

Pecker: Art's everywhere.

Shelly: Yeah, here in my endless bags of dirty laundry.

Pecker: It is if you think about it.

Shelly: What? In the brilliant green of a grass stain?

Pecker: Yes. That's art.

Shelly: The subtle yellow of a urine-soaked sheet?

Pecker: Yeah, yeah. Keep going. It's what you see every day.

Shelly: The aqua blue of cold water as it dilutes a violent red bloodstain?

Pecker: Oh, you got it! Be spontaneous for once in your life.

Shelly: Pecker, I'm scared. You mean the almond brown of stubborn mildew stains can be beautiful?

Pecker: Yes, yes! Let your mind go and you'll be free forever.

Shelly: Oh, Pecker, I think I finally see it.

Pecker: Oh, art, Shelly! Art!

Shelly: Pecker, use a condom.

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

The Funniest Line in Movie History?

From Pink Flamingos:
Babs bewails a surprise package.

Oh, my God almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!

Mondo Trasho | Multiple Maniacs
Pink Flamingos | Pink Flamingos (restored 25th anniversary edition)
Flamingos Forever (unproduced sequel to Pink Flamingos)
Female Trouble | Desperate Living | Polyester
Hairspray | Cry-Baby | Serial Mom | Pecker
The Funniest Line in Movie History? | Top

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©2005 David Brooks and Suzu Renaud. All rights reserved.