Sex, lies & audiotape

By: Ray Sare

After death and taxes, the other certainty in a musicians life is that there are two ways of getting screwed; either as a result of a carnal encounter with "La woman of our Dreams;" and the other being on the band end of a record deal. In this episode of As the Music Biz is, I'd like to discuss the dynamics and psychology behind the preferred method of screwing.

Sigmund Freud must have been a closet rocker when he came up with his theory than man (kind's basic motivational drive was rooted in sex.

Eric Burden (of the Animals), in a rock 'n roll documentary, was asked why he became a musician. He resisted the temptation to appease the moral majority of his time by blandly stating his obvious love for playing and performing. His primal recollections were without philosophical rhetoric or ideological tripe; his reply was honest and to the point: "We wanted to get laid."

To go a step further, sex and musicianship are not limited to the pleasures of the flesh. There is an intimate sexual and emotional relationship between a musician and his/her instrument. Anyone who has ever witnessed the raw, powerful sensuality of Jimi Hendrix's guitar playing will attest to that. Sex and music, music and sex... the beat goes on. Musicians are strange animals.

The two realms of sexuality in a musician's life can be explained in two words: The Wall. If you think the Great Wall of China is the largest wall in the world, try making the leap from the material realm into the world of emotion, where there exists a much larger and formidable wall; the emotional wall that a musician builds around himself to protect his love of music. As a result, sex and emotion become detached.

As a male musician, with 25 years experience, let me offer a male perspective of The Wall. Basically, men shudder at the thought of a woman coming between them and their career; they envision fame, fortune, and freedom.

On a recent MuchMusic special, an interview with Eric Clapton revealed that his classic hit song, "Layla," was inspired by his never-ending, painful, desperate struggle with Patti Harrison to find true and everlasting love. As a result, he admitted to having periodically gotten professional counseling, and that his well-known alcohol and drug abuse was his escape from that struggle.

Generally, more careers have been scuttled by romantic power struggles than by other factors. It's a no-win situation, whether one finds true love or not. Lack of a stable relationship usually causes physical and emotional burnout. Wealthy, successful musicians who fail at love also suffer an additional blow - to their bank accounts. Willie Nelson, Sammy Davis Jr., and Jerry Lee Lewis are recent examples of riches to rags careers that were devastated by divorce settlements. On the other hand, when true love does occur, the relationship may destroy the delicate chemistry among band members. Yoko Ono and Linda Eastman (McCartney) managed to destroy the best band on the planet, and when Eddie Van Halen met Valerie Bertinelli, he and David Lee Roth lost that vital link that made them great friends: the wine, women, songs, conquests, partying and brat-packing.

The love between a musician and his career (narcissism?) is so powerful that it transcends the limitations and imperfections of interpersonal relationships. Fear of loosing this ultimate love is what produces the protective emotional wall that few women can penetrate.

Basically, musicians can have relationships with three types of women: groupies, girlfriends, and wives. Groupies are brainless morons with low self-esteem who provide an ideal "quick sex" fit for musicians while their girlfriends are away at work (usually paying off the musician's gear).

Girlfriends (at least) ten to be decent, naive and idealistic, but are seldom the exclusive relationships in a musician's life. The wife is the most honest and desirable of the group, possessing great amounts of patience, understanding, and independence. She is also living proof, particularly to her parents that a musician has settled down a bit. In reality, the ultimate rock star will usually have one wife, a couple of girlfriends and all the groupies he can handle, but all these relationships together will never be more cherished than his music.

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