No Testimony Required. In a press conference today police revealed the identity of the surprise witness in the case against Don Alfredo Corleone. Richard Wyler, former CEO of Nakatomi corporation, is not in fact deceased. He was taken into protective custody after a sixth attempt was made to kill him. The RCMP decided to release to the press that he had in fact died in the attack. Mr. Wyler has stated that he will return to his post as the CEO of the company he and his wife owned. Details of Mr. Wyler's supposed testimony have not been released. The police thanked the law firm of Ballard, Ballard and Ballard for their assistance in this matter.
Alien Invasion V. Two young women in Mississauga, Ontario reported to police early this week that they believed that they had been abducted by aliens. The aliens in question looked just like the aliens in the movie "Mars Attacks". Police report that men in black cars picked up both women and that they have not been heard from since. Both women complained of an odd tattoo-like mark that had been placed on each of their bodies. Their report was identical to the report of the previous women right down to the smallest detail.
Nakatomi Stock Issue. Nakatomi Corporation announced today that plans for the restructuring of the corporation have almost been completed and will be announced on Friday, January 30th, 1998 at 7:00 p.m. in the Reception Hall of the Sheridan Centre. It is suspected that the company will announce that it is going fully public.
New Sculpture. The Art Gallery of Ontario added a new piece to Joseph Laclos' exhibit yesterday afternoon. The marble statue of a young woman curled up beside a wolf is being heralded as his best work. The work is cryptically titled "Two Roses". Monsieur Laclos would not speak to the press at the unveiling and was seen crying in the arms of his wife shortly afterwards.