News in Toronto for Late July 1996

Remember: ALL of the news items on this page are fictional. All persons, cities, gods, and worlds on this page are imaginary. Any coincidence of names is regretted.

Fifty Million in bank bonds disappeared yesterday from a major bank in the downtown core yesterday, making this the largest bank robbery in Canadian history. The only clue police have is a note left at the scene that says only "By K, the Serial Killer".

The jew room of the Royal Ontario Museum has been stripped clean. Police have no clues as to who the perpetrators are. All security precautions were in full effect at the time, with several guards patrolling the halls. However, the guard at the main entrance stated that a rather disreputable-looking character offered to play cards with him at the time the robbery was supposedly taking place.

The Art Gallery of Ontario seems to be the most popular place in town these days. The current Group of Seven Exhibition was breaking all attendance records until a few days ago, when the entire exhibition disappeared. In addition, several works by European Masters of the last century are also missing.

At the Woodbine Race Track, all of the horses have disappeared. There is no explanation for this, since all of the stables were securely closed and latched. Grooms present at the time reportedly noticed no unusual activity at the time.

The limousine of the Ambassador for the United States has disappeared. It was last seen proceeding north on the Don Valley Parkway, being driven by two men who appeared to be drunk.

In addition, over three hundred luxury cars have disappeared in Toronto in the last week, only to reappear at a used-car dealership called "Bob Ravs Auto Sales", where a Porche in good condition could be had for about $400.00. Lake Ontario has become the setting for high-seas piracy. Last weekend, two yachts were stolen from the Toronto Boating Club, and then apparently used to attack and board other vessels out in the lake. Boaters are now demanding that more police boats be out on patrol.

All the police radios in Toronto have disappeared, bringing law enforcement in Toronto to a standstill. However, metro's finest have risen to the occasion, and are making due as best they can. In addition, it's reported that the Police Commissioner's Bachelor of Criminal Sciences Diploma has been stolen from his office.

Liquor Stores in downtown Toronto have had a run on Rum and Red Wine, and store managers are scrambling to restock. However, stores in outlying areas of the city have reported increased demand for these products as well.

Ten head of cattle have disappeared without a trace from various stockyards in the city. Police are reportedly puzzled by these vanishing cattle, since no unusual activity was noticed at stockyards at the time of the disappearances.

Today, all pixel boards in downtown Toronto carried the following message all day: "I, Shamus/Cleo, King of Toronto, am responsible for this. I, being a man of no honor, will bring Toronto to its knees to prove that I can."

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